I often say that people are victims of their own decisions and the state of their life is a direct result of the choices they make. This is so true, and I’ve been slapped in the face again today with this very lesson. Its easy to feel like a victim of circumstances beyond your control…its much harder to take responsibility.
Last November I was offered a position at a Catholic based, non for profit hospital that focused on Service towards the community. At the time it was exactly the job I had wanted, and in a lot of ways it still is. I wanted to be part of an organization the lived up to its corporate values because in the world of business today its so hard to find an organization that really takes their own Mission statement to heart. Even though I’m not Christian I knew I could put the religious aspect aside and work side by side with this hospital in helping to make the community great. After all values such as Dignity, Justice, Service, Excellence, and Stewardship are not exclusively Christian ideals. They are things that we should all live by and aren’t that far off from my own set of virtues that I try to live my life by.
Over the last year I had become jaded and found myself wanting to fit in more with the culture I saw around me instead of being true to those values I held dear. I found myself looking down on the patients that came in to seek help and found myself speaking of them to co-workers in a very distasteful manner. A state of which I’m ashamed I let myself get to. Apparently I wasn’t the only one to notice how jaded I had become and it was brought to the attention of my managers. Today I was called in for a meeting with the Director of our department, and was presented with an inner office communicator transcript of a conversation that I had with another co worker of mine.
It would have been so easy for me to simply place the blame on the environment or to point the finger at someone else. It took a lot more for me to admit to them that I was in fact to blame. I told them basically the same thing that I’m writing here. I had become jaded and had pulled away from the core values that called me to take the job in the first place, and I’m extremely disappointed in myself for allowing that to happen. I was sent home from work today with out pay. Although this can be considered a punishment I consider it a much needed investment in myself. Allowing me the day off will allow me to re-focus and draw my attention inward to find what went wrong. It will allow me time to re-evaluate my own life and see just how badly I’ve strayed from where I need to be. So I’m taking this day and allowing myself to focus on the Nine Noble Virtues as well as the values I’ve agree to work with. I’m also taking this time to re-read some of our work policies and am making a promise to myself; to live by example and embody those things that I hold dear to my heart. If at all possible I’m going to ask that I be allowed to hang a copy of the Nine Noble Virtues as well as the Mercy Values up at my work station to help remind me and keep me on focus.
Mercy Values:
Dignity: We cherish each person as created in the image of God.
Justice: We pledge to be in right relationship with one another with a particular concern for those who are economically poor.
Service: We seek out and put the needs of others first.
Excellence: We give only the best for those entrusted to our care.
Stewardship: We wisely use our talents and resources to strengthen Mercy as a ministry of the Church.
The Nine Noble Virtues:
Courage: To do the right thing no matter the consequences and courage to stay Tru to that which we believe.
Truth: Being truthful in all situations no matter the consequences, and accepting those consequences on two feet.
Honor: Your Honor is your worth in the community, according to Merriam-Webster its our public esteem or good name. To obtain a good name you need to live by the first two virtues stated and again take consequences that are due to you on two feet instead of trying to point a finger.
Fidelity: Not only to the relationship that your in but to your people, your faith, and your God’s as well.
Discipline: the ability to police ourselves and keep us on track.
Hospitality: welcoming quests into our home, and being the good Host/Hostess. This sense can extend to areas outside the home. In my own case I could extend this virtue to those patients that I see treating them as if they were guests in need of my help instead of judging them.
Industriousness: being the person that gets things done with out having to be told or force fed “how” something should be done.
Self-Reliance: Depending on no one else to do things for you, or provide for you. While Theodism often focuses on the community and how we can help each other there is an old saying that goes something like; you can’t help others if you haven’t helped yourself. Being self reliant means your not a burden to those around you and can help where needed.
Perseverance: Sticking with things till the end. Endurance to stay the course with out shying away at the first sign of trouble.
I’m so sorry I haven’t written anything in a while. Truth is, there hasn’t been much to write about, and the only topic I can think of to write about I don’t think I want to. Its amazing the difference between these posts and the ones I use to write when I was younger. Strangely enough it seems that as you get older your point of focus seems to shift and all the things you thought were note worthy just don’t seem like it anymore. So trying to find an interesting topic in a world of Blah seems a little hard. I’m starting to wonder why anyone would want to bother but I guess some do. Then again I tend to think some people never grow up and maybe this appeals to them. Either way, if I still have readers out there then I’m happy.
I went to the ER earlier today. I was worried I had a blood clot in my leg because its been hurting all week. Thankfully they didn’t see one so I’m cleared for now. I feel like I’m expending all of my emotional, and physical energy, and magic to keep the other show from falling with this pregnancy. People don’t realize this but everything about us is magic. Everything we do in this world is a magical thing and we use that even if we don’t realize it. I’m working my hardest to keep this baby healthy as well as myself but I’m waiting to see if things go south, because lets face it I’m not the healthiest person in the world by far. Maybe I’m just reading too much into things but I have to say that I’m scared SHITLESS of December. I’ve only had one major trip to the hospital that required a lot of medical attention and I don’t even remember half of that trip because I was so young. Most people my age have been under the knife at least once by now, either to have babies of their own or have their wisdom teeth extracted but I’ve not had any of that. I’m so scared of not being strong enough. I’m so scared that something will go wrong and Dustyn may lose his spouse. Of course I’m coping with it the only way I know how. Ignoring it and waiting to cross that bridge when I come to it. I still can’t help it at night when I’m laying awake by myself thinking how I might not be strong enough to do this. My fears may be completely irrational and due to my current state but they are genuine and I need to deal with them the best I can. *sigh*
If your wanting to know about how the baby is growing well Peanut is four inches from head to rump and about the size of a small apple. By next week I should start to feel him move more. Dustyn and I did both get our glasses so we’re no longer blind and we finally got a weekend off after a hellish week for both of us. My week was only five days but its been crazy busy in the ER. Dustyn’s week however lasted ten days and we were both draining each other in an attempt to make it through the week. We both felt eachother’s weariness like a weight in the back of our mind. Many days we simply came home crashed. We needed to.
Anyway there isn’t much else going on in our world. I have another ultrasound at the end of July and that one will tell us the sex of the baby, after that you all can start buying whatever you want to lol. I’ve told people to hold off on gifts as much as possible until we find out for sure wither or not Peanut is male or female. Well with that I’m going to let you guys go. I’m making no promises as to the frequency of upcoming posts but I will make an attempt to post more. Carl was kind enough to pay my five dollar fee for the year so I had better make good use of his gift right. Hope everyone has enjoyed their weekend and much love to you all.
Yesterday was the second ultrasound. This one was only to test for Autism and CF so if you’re wondering we did not get to see what it was. You’ll have to wait another month and a half to find out what the jewels (or lack of them) are. lol. But anyway, the baby has to be laying in the perfect position in order for them to do this test. Our child…was defiant and of course was not laying in the proper position. So the ultrasound tech had me get up, walk around, use the rest room, drink some juice, lay on my side and all this to see if we could get the baby to flip into a better position. Well, peanut flipped…did a complete freaking headstand in my uterus. So no picture once again. We tried like three different times to get him to move into the right position with no luck. Seems the child likes to be on his head because once he got into that position that was all there was and it wasn’t moving.
Although he’s gotten like double in size and has really long arms and legs now. It was rather funny watching him jump inside. The ultrasound tech would move the wand over him and he would like bounce inside. Dustyn and I think he’s either going to be a Dancer, a Bouncer, or a gymnist. lol. Otherwise it went well.
Also, Dustyn was suppose to have his eye doc appointment today but the Dr called in sick so we had to reschedule for tomorrow. I was hoping when we got up there that they would tell me my glasses were in but sadly they weren’t. I had my appointment last saturday and I found out that I only need glasses for distance, like when I’m driving and stuff. So thankfully I got a pair of transition lenses so I have my perscription and sunglasses when I need them. I can’t wait till they get here. Our insurance paid like 264 dollars of the total cost so that was really nice. I only had to pay like 80 out of pocket. Other than that things are going well. I’m going to hop off of here and see if Dustyn wants to start cooking. Anyway I love you all, and take care.
Your pregnancy: 12 weeks
How your baby’s growing:
The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby’s fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won’t be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.
Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby’s brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.
See what your baby looks like this week. (Or see what fraternal twins look like in the womb this week.)
Note: Every baby develops a little differently, even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby’s development.
How your life’s changing:
Your uterus has grown to the point where your healthcare provider can now feel the top of it (the fundus) low in your abdomen, just above your pubic bone. You may already be into maternity clothes, especially if this isn’t your first pregnancy. If you’re still fairly small and not yet ready for maternity clothes, you’ve no doubt noticed that your waist is thickening and that you’re more comfortable in loose, less restrictive clothing.
You may begin to feel heartburn (also called acid indigestion), a burning sensation that often extends from the bottom of your breastbone to your lower throat. Many women get heartburn for the first time during pregnancy, and those who’ve previously had bouts of heartburn may find that it gets worse. During pregnancy, the placenta produces a lot of the hormone progesterone, which relaxes the valve that separates the esophagus from the stomach. Particularly when you’re lying down, gastric acid can seep back up the pipe, which causes the uncomfortable burning sensation. For many women the problem doesn’t begin (or get worse) until later in pregnancy, when your growing uterus starts to push up on your stomach. The discomfort may range from mildly annoying to intense and distracting. Actual Blog Post:
A Few days ago was the picnic/family reunion with the Swedish cousins. It was so much fun to see all the members of the family gathered in one place. However, the atmosphere was kind of odd because our family had broken off into sections, or clans that didn’t mingle much with the other. Aunt Marjorie got on my bad side by casually throwing the picture of my ultra sound down, tossing it onto the table as if it were a tissue or a piece of mail she didn’t give a damn about, and Aunt Sharon didn’t even say hi to any of the Edwards side. My Grandmother, Mother, and myself we all snidded by her for some reason, still it was a nice time and I’m glad that my cousins got to meet everyone and spend a little bit of time with family that they would otherwise not see. We had hot dogs, and beans, and salads…all your usual picnic foods, and Uncle Darrell brought out games like Horse Shoes and others to keep the family entertained and social. Uncle Mike and Uncle Darrell played a round against Daniel and Axiel (Stephan and Lena’s children) and I have to say that Uncle Mike played a great game. He got a lead in the score at least four times getting the horse shoe around the pole.
The Next day most of the family went to Forest Park to take a walk around the Zoo. I would have loved to join them but if I were to get any sleep before work that night it meant I had to stay at my mother’s house and try my best to sleep. I did managed to get five hours of not so nice sleep. I’m hoped that would be enough to keep me going all night. It wasn’t, but I’m sure my co-workers understood if I was a little bit sluggish that night. After the zoo the family came back to Mom’s in order to have dinner with me one more time before Mom and I have to leave to head back to Springfield.
Stephan was nice enough to give me a copy of his Band’s greatest hits. Its really good music and I think you can google them. Slowman is the name of his band and hopefully he’ll be sending me a link to his website so I can post it here and share it with the world. His music is a little blues and a little rock and all in all makes great casual party music. Lena also gifted me with a few wall hangings. One of which features the Dalarna Horse. The best article I’ve found so far states that it got its fame after the 1939 New York World Exhibition and was made in the houses after a long days work and sold as toys to supplement some of the income. Now the Dalarna horse is considered more of a Swedish symbol than its own flag. To give you a visual I’ve posted a picture for ya;
Your pregnancy: 11 weeks
How your baby’s growing:
Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.
She’s already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won’t feel your baby’s acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.
See what your baby looks like this week.
Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby’s development.
How your life’s changing:
If you’re like most women, you’re feeling a bit more energetic now and your nausea may be starting to wane. Unfortunately, you may also be suffering from constipation (caused by hormonal changes, which can slow digestion) and heartburn (hormones again, relaxing the valve between your stomach and esophagus). Just remember, all this discomfort is for a good cause.
Don’t worry if nausea has made it impossible for you to eat a wide variety of healthy foods or if you haven’t put on much weight yet (most women gain just 2 to 5 pounds during the first trimester). Your appetite will likely return soon, and you’ll start to gain about a pound a week.
So lately I have been so appaled by people’s manners. All this week it seems like every patient I had was raised in a barn. I simply thought it was the type of patients we got in the ER but then I noticed that out in the world during my average day thousands of people who simply showed no concern for anyone but themselves and obviously didn’t know what the words “Excuse me” or “Thank You” were for. Its like they were never part of the human language. As an example…a few days ago my Mother-in-law and I were walking around walmart and we were looking at things for the baby and this woman comes up behind us and is like right on my heels. She’s scowling at me, and so i drop to the side assuming she would be able to get past us when my mother accidentally moves in her way. I kind of laugh on the inside about this and I notice the woman still continues to scowl at us and stays on my Mother-in-laws heels. So I lean over to the woman and I whisper in her ear, just loud enough for her daughter to hear me (mind you she is about 60 and her daughter looks 40) and I say “You know an ‘excuse me’ would work rather nicely and at your age you should know better.” I then ask my mother in law to move and the woman gets all wide eyed and storms off in a huff.
So this isn’t the only case of rudeness that we’ve encountered this week. Dustyn and I went to Godfather’s for lunch the other day and we had just finished with our first round of pizza from the buffett and we decide after a moment that it was time for round two…well we come back with our food and sure enough someone had decided that our table was good enough to set their dirty dishes and trays on. EXCUSE ME….ok so had these people said sorry upon seeing our return I would have told them not to bother and just kept the dishes on my table but since no one spoke up about it I decided to complain about it loudly assuming that the guilty party of course would over hear and maybe feel a bit bad about being raised in a barn. I tell you what, if my kid ever shows a lack of manners I’m popping them in the mouth. Thats how I was raised and I alway say “please”, “thank you”, “pardon or excuse me”. I’ll expect no less from my child.
So of course all this put me in such a sour mood yesterday that I couldn’t help but want to bash someone’s face in. Today however…for some mysterious (probably hormonal) reason I was in a great mood. It makes me wonder if you can develop Pregnancy bi-polar disorder…you know like Pregnancy diabeties or enemia? Just wondering. Anyway I’m going to end this here. I have a cross stitch pattern that calls my attention and sleep…must get some sleep. Night all!
Maggie